Old school relationship advice means well, but some of it is out of touch and should become a thing of the past. Just because we’ve heard something a million times doesn’t mean we should believe it and act on it and some old-fashioned tips can actually hurt a relationship instead of making it better. It’s not that it’s false, but that “it needs to be reinterpreted, redefined and clarified for the time we live in now,” explains psychologist Dr. Joshua Klapow.This is some of the classic relationship advice he says we need to revise.
- “Never go to bed angry”- We’ve all heard this classic, but it’s unrealistic. And sometimes, going to bed mad and sleeping on it is better.
- “You can change them”- It’s a romantic idea, but Dr. Klapow points out, it’s not your responsibility to change anyone.
- “Some people never change”- On the flip side, the suggestion that someone is incapable of changing is wrong and ignores that we all have control over our choices.
- “Love will keep you together”- This works in an old romantic movie, but in real life? It takes a more than that to make it work.
- “Know your role in the relationship” - Forget this old gender stereotype and remember there’s not a required way for you to act. Your role in a relationship isn’t static, it’ll constantly shift organically and that’s a good thing.
- “You should stay with them for better or for worse”- We all want to think our partner will stick around, no matter what, but if a relationship is unhealthy, you don’t need to stick it out.
- “Honor and obey”- Dr. Klapow suggests we update that to “honor and respect” since we’re not obligated to “obey” our partners in any way.